Episode 5: Error on the High Seas

Unfortunately for people interested in how these ladies police boundaries, the Housewives looked like they were gonna take it down a notch. That was, until the dramatic twist at the end, also known as the pants drop heard round Potomac. This week, Gizelle was a language star, and we also got some interesting utterances from Katie, Mama Karen and Ashley’s mom.

This week centered around Karen's decision to throw a yacht party to show Ashley how to "properly" host an event. (And Gizelle is STILL mad that Ashley's party didn't have an open bar). Though Karen claimed that she wanted to do this without hurting Ashley's feelings, the indirectness at the party was palpable. Karen all but said that the point of the party was to teach Ashley how to host, and Ashley had the best reaction behind her back.

Ashley-“I’m like, girl, bang, where’s the next cocktail?”

Ashley's somewhat more laid-back nature keeps getting her in trouble with these women, but I love her more and more each week. Unfortunately, her husband had to go and act a fool, and the whole thing was not a good look. Michael, being Australian and perhaps having a little too much to drink, decided that he wants to take off his pants and jump overboard. NO ONE was having it, and Gizelle took this opportunity to remind Ashley that her blackness is in question.

Gizelle- “We don’t do this...we black, Ashley. Black people don’t do this”

In this situation, Ashley does her best to talk Michael into putting his pants back on, and eventually the whole thing calms down. However, despite the fact that Ashley seems much more comfortable being a black woman than Katie does, this is the second time that her behavior (or someone she's responsible for, in this case) has been called into question for not being "black" (recall the humping incident as discussed in Episode 2). Michael might not understand all of these rules since he's white and Australian, but despite all his money, he is jeopardizing Ashley's social connections with the rest of the ladies. FWIW, I think that a lot of the behavior policing that that the Housewives engage in is ridiculous, but I cosign with Gizelle here. What the hell was Michael doing?

In case we doubted Ashley's blackness, this episode introduced us to her mother, who kept it all the way 100. Ashley clearly has a lot of respect for her single mom, and wants to help her out financially, but like all good moms, her mom doesn't wanna burden her. She will take some of that Patron though. 

via GIPHY

Ashley to Mom-"Oh you tryna turn up?”

Mom- "Well, I know you got the bar stocked”

Ashley- "People think that I have a wooden leg, you have a wooden leg".

We also learn, right after this exchange, that Ashley’s mom recently had to file bankruptcy. This is especially interesting in light of her putting Robyn on blast for the very same thing last week. Maybe Ashley could relate and was genuinely concerned for her.

Meanwhile, in another part of town...Gizelle was on one this week, and she had some beautiful one-liners. 

Gizelle- “These are my Robin Thicke pants”

Gizelle- "There’s something called scrubs, no I’m not dating those”

Giselle- “Forever? Ooo, no. You need to pump your breaks, slow your roll, back it all da way up, sit it on down”.

Gizelle- “Ooo Karen you shady! You know what, that’s not shady. That’s full blown eclipse”

Particularly in that last one, Gizelle goes all the way black with both her segmental phonology AND her intonational patterns. For you linguists out there, I heard her use multiple instances of zero possessive morpheme, zero copula, appositive pronouns, and th-stopping. Basiclaly, Gizelle turned on ALL her AAL features this week. Maybe it's something about Herman. 

Gizelle-“LAWD somebody help Herman. Jesus help Herman”.

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Poor Herman. He seems nice enough, but this man is just SO corny. Gizelle is clearly not feeling it, but she keeps wanting to give him chances. She says something about him that requires a whole essay to unpack, but I'll leave it her.

Gizelle-“In the flesh we working with Herman, we working on his swag. Just tell me you spent one night in jail, and we’re good"

Gizelle finds a reasonably attractive, educated, nice, straight, single black man who ran for Congress, and then she mad he ain't a little more hood. Girl, bye. 

  

Other Linguistic Observations:

Katie- "She says that she’s got like a great “roller deck”.

Oh Katie, it's called a Rolodex. To be fair, that's a weird ass word and also, no one has a Rolodex anymore (except maybe Karen). Also, the thing is pretty much a deck. 

Random Thoughts:

Ashley, why are you making this poor man interviewing for your assistant position vogue for his life? It did look fun though. 

Charrisse, you did not actually text your husband that you want a divorce. For women so obsessed with decorum, that seems wildy inappropriate!